themichellejeanfree

Person: What is the dumbest thing You’ve ever done?Me: Awful..

Person: What is the dumbest thing You’ve ever done?

Me: Awfully bold of you to Assume I’ve peaked

When they see you at your worst, but STILL think you are the..

When they see you at your worst, but STILL think you are the best, they are your people.

Person: So what do you make at your current job?ME: Mostly m..

Person: So what do you make at your current job?

ME: Mostly mistakes and sarcastic comments. 

Not everything I post is my situation. Sometimes I post your..

Not everything I post is my situation. Sometimes I post your situation, on your behalf.🙃

Life is a garden and I’m the hoe. 😆

Life is a garden and I’m the hoe. 😆

Consistence is harder when no one is clapping for you. Clap ..

Consistence is harder when no one is clapping for you. Clap for yourself at those times. Be your biggest fan.

A smile is the second best thing you can do with your lips.

A smile is the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Everyone isn’t proud of you. They’re just surprised you keep..

Everyone isn’t proud of you. They’re just surprised you keep making shit happen.

I’m a very observant person. So if you think I didn’t notice..

I’m a very observant person. So if you think I didn’t notice, I did…I just decided to keep quiet and avoid the drama.

How to tell someone you hate them politely.‘You are the Mond..

How to tell someone you hate them politely.

‘You are the Monday of my life’ 

Stay close to people who want more for you.Not more from you..

Stay close to people who want more for you.

Not more from you.

Never using online dating again.Last guy said he lived in a ..

Never using online dating again.

Last guy said he lived in a gated community…. prison…he meant prison.

How is potato salad Even a salad? 

How is potato salad Even a salad? 

I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding. I do..

I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding. I do both. 

I’ll always be there for you’~ My laundry I haven’t put away..

I’ll always be there for you’

~ My laundry I haven’t put away in two weeks. 

Kindness will never go out of style.

Kindness will never go out of style.

Be the reason people believe in pure hearts, good vibes & ki..

Be the reason people believe in pure hearts, good vibes & kind souls

Remember… that you once dreamed of being where you are now.

Remember…

 that you once dreamed of being where you are now.

#whoremembers If you first read that as ‘whore members’ we’r..

#whoremembers 

If you first read that as ‘whore members’ 

we’re probably already friends

Just because a woman likes your picture or status on social ..

Just because a woman likes your picture or status on social media does not mean she wants to see a picture of your wiener.

Once you have seen a women take off her bra without removing..

Once you have seen a women take off her bra without removing her shirt, it makes more sense why they should be in charge of things. 

Spark Joy! 

Spark Joy! 

When you fall on your face you’re still moving forward. 

When you fall on your face 

you’re still moving forward. 

We don’t lick people. ~Lies adults tell to kids~

We don’t lick people. 

~Lies adults tell to kids~

You call it coffee, I call it my emotional support beverage.

You call it coffee, 

I call it my emotional support beverage.

I need 100K and a hug right now. Please don’t hug me without..

I need 100K and a hug right now. 

Please don’t hug me without the money.

My mind is like my internet browser19 tabs open3 of them are..

My mind is like my internet browser

19 tabs open

3 of them are frozen &

I have NO IDEA where 

the music is coming from. 

1+1=3 If you don’t use a condom.

1+1=3 

If you don’t use a condom.

Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver.

Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver.

Being an adult is so weird. I’m just unsupervised all the ti..

Being an adult is so weird. I’m just unsupervised all the time? How unsafe.